Monday, January 6, 2014


Dear God, God(s), Universe, Creator, You,

Some days I feel so ungrateful. I have so much yet I want more. I have so many reasons to be happy, yet I linger in sadness. Why is it so difficult to bask in the joy of my blessings? I look at my love and my heart flutters, why can’t I always feel this way? Why do my worries overcome me when clearly love has wrapped itself around me through the divinity of my lover, my family, and my friends? Why do I carry with me this feeling of unworthiness? Why do I not feel worthy of the gifts placed all around me?

I’m beginning to realize why. I have trouble loving myself. I have trouble forgiving myself. My blessings become my burden when I feel shame for not having done more, for not having given more… for not being perfect. I am loved by such incredible people and forces but instead of celebrating, I stumble under the weight of my own expectations and judgment. I don’t feel worthy. I’ve let people down. People, who love me, people who’ve needed me. I’ve let myself down. I’ve broken promises to myself time and time again. How can I believe myself anymore? And to the point, how can I love myself anymore?

It’s because of you, my brothers and sisters. I see the light of loved ones even when they don’t see it in themselves. I find myself feeling out the words of love and support I readily give others as some foreign object of hope. Have I been so blind that I never realized that the words I crafted and imbued with love for others is also meant for me? And that I exist here for more than the words but to live this message? I am not perfect and I will never be, but I am worthy of my own love; I am worthy of forgiveness. Loving myself isn’t egotistical, it’s necessary.

I’m not certain where this path will lead me, though I am sure to get lost again. I hope to remember and maintain a practice of self love, so when the path is winding or perhaps I’ve lost the path altogether, I remember to listen to the compass of my heart, for although others may travel farther and my feet may stray further, I've only ever traveled to find myself.

PS I say “I” but I really mean “We.”

Thursday, November 7, 2013

Suture (On Haiti and D.R.)

There is no border only a suture
Stitched by stigmas.
Our states have holes in them
From sticking to their guns,
The only things bigger than the earth is our prejudice
And faith will move mountains
But it cannot budge ignorance.

An island divided amongst itself cannot stand.
We are broken, being pinned by the paralysis of empire.
Rwanda reminds me of Republica.
I was taught to hate you,
Echoing whispers spread like notes in a classroom.
Do you hate Haiti? Circle yes.
Want to see Stockholm syndrome?
Visit my republic, where slavery is ugly
But our slave masters are beautiful.
Little girls wither in the mirror
Trying to get that hair just right
Wishing they were just White
But our blood is Triguena, Morena y Negra,
Como Cela in la Sierra Maestra.
We are masters of this bestia.

Our island was the 1st Black republic of this hemisphere.
And I want to tag that in big block letters on the 1 train,
Because it’s easy to forget.
We are laced with lull lullabies that lose track of our lament.
Listen to the mountains.
They DJ “Fight the Power”.
It’s evident that PE sampled Haiti.
Its #1 export isn’t sugar, its revolution,
The Panther’s original source material for fighting the imperial.
In fact, we should open a chain of stores
In front of the hotels built on the most famous of shores.
It’s slogan would be:
“Stomping out European colonialism since before eighteen-O-four.”

You see, we used to be powerful
We used to be whole,
But centuries of surgery left a suture
And there are no borders any more,
Only scars stitched by stereotypes.
Come to D.R. if you want to deconstruct a duality.
Research how far a people can be pushed before they hate themselves.

Our conditioning is sick.
And on the whim of others a border was stitched.
The truth is they have sutured borders into all of us.
Secluding our Afro-centric sentiments.
That’s why we straighten our mountains and bleach our lands,
Segregate our cities and privatize our sands.

Pero yo, soy Aytiano.
And God does not make borders,

Only mountains. 

Monday, August 12, 2013

Soul on Ice RMX

…Violence begets violence
And every day I fight against silence
Unleash my mind on the world
Finger down my third eye and I hurl…
I don’t release masterpiece creations
Just share with ya the abominations
Cuz ya ain’t ready in Obama’s nation
So consider this a light mental molestation
Don’t ask me why I write if that’s your contemplation
I’ll tell you to study the earth and pollination
How you gonna understand the flow of my creation
When you don’t understand the physics of condensation…
You hear a rapper but respect the mula
Just cus you smoke don’t mean you close to Buddha
Ain’t about that life but I live a door from it
That’s what happens when your soul is your stomach… glutoness

What’s the price of a soul?
When you seen some things make you cold
Nightmares from the things that you know
No heart no more just a hole and the flow

Dear God, what’s the price of a soul?
When you seen some things make you cold
Nightmares from the things that you know
No heart no more just a hole and the flow

I ain’t afraid of death I can’t wait to be home
Living here where loyalty’s a word to be thrown
Every action is a conversation
And I’m listening writing it down in a compilation
I got an army not for salvation
Living in between the damned and damnation
I know why men get lost in a bottle
The surprise of the stab and the pain that follows
Make you wanna sleep till your hollow…
I made a promise to Apollo…
But now I crossed the Styx do you follow
When the footprints lead to a corpse in the grotto
And the pain is greater than tomorrow’s
Hope so you start to drink all your sorrows
Fell so far that you can’t rise above it
But the devil sweet and you start to love it… treacherous  

What’s the price of a soul?
When you seen some things make you cold
Nightmares from the things that you know
No heart no more just a hole and the flow

Dear God, what’s the price of a soul?
When you seen some things make you cold
Nightmares from the things that you know
No heart no more just a hole and the flow

Friday, May 31, 2013

Her Soul

Her soul is a sanctuary,
My favorite place to hide.
Her smile a zephyr,
Whispering the secrets of spring.

Summer lovers say,
"Her words fall upon the wind."
But my heart is not a door revolved, 
There are few who enter.
And though the cold grow it slow, 
Spring is treasure, 
For the man who's lived in winter.

Friday, April 26, 2013


For so long I have grasped tightly
To a dream state you spoke of.
I poured all of me
Into this paradise of fools
And now I have come to mourn,
To take these hands
To the sea,
So I can finally release this weight.

I will wait till summer
Until the sun is brightest
So that it’s warmth
Can fill me the way
Your words once did.

How bitter the taste of a dream
Left out too long.
2 hands clasped-
Tightly, nails digging into skin.

I thought I carried a truth and a dream
But there were worms in the fruit you sold me.
And still I held them
Hoping that time would play alchemist.

Your words are truths I no longer believe in.
And I will bring them to the sea,
And let Poseidon play host in your lost paradise.
And for the 1st time in years
My hands will feel the freedom
To create a dream
Worth holding onto. 

Friday, April 12, 2013

Love Is

Love is mornings spent entangled in you.

I don't want to get up.
So I hide underneath you and shoo the day away.

"Go away day, this feels too right."

The alarm rings again and I rise.
I laugh at the irony.
I go to work and sacrifice the sweetness of now,
So I can later afford more moments
Just like this.

Friday, February 1, 2013


I would never miss her call.
I'm too afraid she might leave.
She's left before,
But I know where to find her.
She's never far.
She asks for much
But I'm much obliged.
For she's taught me 
To hold this pride.
And so I kiss a chance at bliss,
As I go to lengths,
To maintain this relationship 
With loneliness.